So I decided to write a post about being a coeliac, I was making G’s sandwiches this morning and every so often when i’m having to do something a certain way because of being a coeliac, I get a little bit sad. For the first few years of having the illness I coped ok, it was hard getting used to it but I was so relieved to not feel ill anymore. The difference not being ill made to my life was extraordinary and this far outweighed any problems I had, in the last couple of years though I’ve struggled a lot more.

I can not really enjoy eating out EVER unless I have fully prepared and taken my own and that includes going out for the day, getting some fish and chips, food stands, picnics etc Eating lunch means always taking my own, cup cake decorating, tea parties, having a cup of tea and biscuit with a friend… Think of every time in a day you have or think about food.. thats how many times a day I’m reminded i’m a coeliac… so you don’t think about food that much.. well I do because..maybe it’s become an obsession.

Well it did, I HATED food, DESPISED it, I felt like I had to think about it everyday and it wasn’t good thoughts. I was afraid of it too, I forgot about the everyday details of being ill all the time – I did survive after all – and became very scared of accidentally eating some gluten.

So now i’m trying to stop this obsession and i’m doing quite well, I might even be starting to..enjoy food! I guess when you have something for life you are going to have ups and downs, I think maybe the past couple of years was a natural reaction to being told that you have a lifelong incurable illness, I don’t know if any other coeliacs have felt this? But now to the positive, i’m starting to deal with it a lot better – though I will still have blips of course – no ones perfect! – and so to my list this morning of the things that frustrate me being a coeliac..

Having to take extra spread on the knife when making my husbands sandwiches so that I don’t have to put the knife back in and then having too much and wasting it because you can’t put the spread back in the pot

Having to be extra thankful every time someone makes me food because they had to make it gluten free, especially when its emphasised the trouble they went to…

The feeling of guilt when people have had to go to extra trouble

Having to check when you KNOW there is an ingredient you can’t eat and someone has just missed it

The feeling of guilt when you can’t eat what has been specially made for you

When someone demands that you’d be fine just having a little bit, they really don’t know and to be honest – how dare they

When someone says they don’t like making you food because they don’t know what you can and can’t eat – it’s so much easier for you because you know…

The glare of irritation that you get by people who think its a fad diet and it being inappropriate to scream that you don’t choose this diet and to give a detailed description of coeliac disease and what it does to your insides

The need to always refer to it as an autoimmune disease, you know like diabetes, because no one would frown at someone with diabetes (and then feeling guilty again because you don’t have to inject insulin)

The way you have to smile and say its fine when someone hasn’t made you any food, its ok I’m happy with the vegetables – then watching everyone else tuck into the steak and ale pie

The look of confusion on the waiter/waitresses face when you ask if its gluten free followed by a confident response that it is – hmmmm

Jacket potatoes – (Ok I love the ones I make at home but you know they’re never as good in a cafe/restaurant because they are reheated) Almost always my one option

The time it takes for others to pick off the menu, when you have no options, you get really quick

VEGETARIANS (how is a lifestyle choice more acceptable than an illness?!!)

Oh look the label says its ok for vegetarians – but can I eat it? No? Yes?…?

When the person on the BBQ mixes the gluten free sausages with the vegetarian ones – I might as well eat a loaf of bread

Wheatabix displays in Tescos – I just want to ram them with the trolley

When someone has left a product containing gluten in the ‘free from’ section

Those wheat free cakes that are in the free from section but contain gluten – surely they should be labelled in very big letters BUT CONTAINS GLUTEN then when someone proudly dishes it out me, I don’t have to feel extra guilty when I don’t eat it!

Asdas Free from section on the same aisle as the Flour – is this some kind of joke?!

xxx

I have finally opened my Elle from August and after a quick look through the Runway Edit for Autumn/Winter ’11 these are my favourites..

Victoria Beckham (not only has she made the runway edit, she is first in the book and next to Marc Jacobs – good girl!)

Love the prints at Mary Katrantzou

and I really like the print on this Jonathan Saunders skirt

This dress is by far my favourite, exquisite Bottega Veneta

Probably the collection with the most pieces that made my ‘Love list’ Valentino

and My favourite Beauty shot                    

I may never be able to afford these clothes but I will never stop loving them!xxx

£2, that is how much a stir in pasta sauce costs £2! Well I thought, I’ll just make one, it can’t be that hard…

Well it wasn’t hard at all,

Onion, Celery, bit of Garlic, chopped tomatoes, tomato puree and some dried Oregano, mix it all up in the pan and of course if in doubt – blend!

It tasted real good on top of my gluten free pasta, with a little bit of parmesan (I know you’re supposed to buy whole and grate it yourself but the grated one was cheaper!) xxx

What a beautiful afternoon yesterday, this September sun is really special. As I was hanging out some washing I had a little look around the garden and wondered how on earth these flowers survive…

Some survive in pots, this is inspite of minimal soil and no watering, these pansies have kept flowering all summer, i’ve not touched them once!

My herb garden is looking green and bountiful with Rosemary, Sage, Thyme and Lavender. Again these have survived without any help from me, perhaps this is one reason for me to be grateful of the rain this summer.

This Lavender bed is a bit wild and overgrown, it’s the survival of the fittest and the biggest.

So this plant I can never remember the name of but I think it looks glorious, the petals look a little tired but I can’t complain and it’s grown so much on its own since last year.

My little green corner by the shed, the only plant I know the name of is the bamboo, I thought it was supposed to grow upwards (though quite how I expect it to do that on its own, I don’t know) but it is rapidly overtaking this space.

The only plant here i’m quite sure it won’t over take is the cherry tree, Tasha gave me this tree for my birthday 4 years ago and it shoots up another couple of feet every year.

I really do love this early Autumn light, I hope it lasts longer than our summer xxx

My first ‘graze box’ from graze.com has just popped through the letterbox, trust the postman to be super late today!

Well i’m quite impressed, I wasn’t sure what to expect…

Sat down with a nice cup of tea I opened up the box and found some lovely packaging within..

The 2 leaflets give us the ingredients (necessary for us Coeliacs) and a little bit more information about the company..

But really what I wanted to know was, what did I get?…

Jaffa cake

Great fire dragon

Superberry detox

and Honey bee good

Well it seems like a great idea, if it stops me reaching for a cup cake/ crisps/ cheese… I could go on, then the good people at graze will be my new bff xxx

It’s the first day of possibly my favourite month; ok so September here in the UK isn’t normally associated with Spring but for me this year, the two seem to fit.

It has been a month since we returned from our trip around Scandinavia, some would describe it as a ‘Trip of a Lifetime’ but as I plan to have many trips like that in my life, I’ll call it an ‘Amazing Adventure’. I had planned for and dreamed about this trip for so many years, to then make the decision to go just 2 days before felt quite crazy but suddenly all of that thinking became doing!

It’s in this spirit that I have started up Mrs Sparkle’s Boutique; before I ever wanted to be a doctor, I wanted to be a designer. Once again the opposite forces of my personality are rubbing alongside one another, but in Scandinavian design I think I’ve found a happy place where warmth and coolness sit together side by side.

There was no better example of this on our trip than the Turtagrø Hotel; we arrived after driving down the Sognefjell mountain road, one of the most scenic roads in Europe, and also one of the harshest.

The room was so simple and the colours cool but the feeling I immediately experienced was one of warmth.

I hope that I will be able to deliver this same feeling in my designs over the coming months.

Back to September, the sky is blue and the sun is bright but in the fresh air of morning there is a ‘nip’. It’s time for new starts as many squiggles head off for their first day at school and newborn adults head to university. My fresh start is right here, writing this blog, making new things and hopefully building our family. So for me September is all about Spring, rebirth, renewal and regrowth and the excitement and colour that it brings xxx

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As the week has gone on I’ve thought of different things I’d like to blog about, the effect of heroes on our lives, what makes me stop and pray, how I will cope mentally with the pressures of pregnancy… but none of them seem to hit the spot.

It has been a bit of an odd week, i’ve been thinking about how much happier I am now and just how miserable I was while at college earlier in the year. I had gone into this college experience with so many hopes and expectations but by Christmas I was already wondering if what i’d worked so hard for, was what I really wanted. The tears I shed the evening after my interview bordered on the hysterical, I couldn’t breathe for crying and it felt like everything was disappearing. Looking back now I think that had been building for a long time and the bad interview was the final straw…

So i’m still struggling for what I want to say this week, you know what here’s a list of things that I love and make me happy..

Vintage pink roses

Scandinavian simplicity

Gluten free cupcakes

Italian renaissance architecture

Venice

The smell of lavender

Cashmere socks

My husband!

The sunlight

Red lipstick

Physics

Formula 1

South of France

The quiet of the North

Reindeer

Strawberries

Thats better xxx

The pain in my stomach is a sharp reminder of the fact that I’m not pregnant, my cramps come in various forms, from noticeably irritating to full on, floor writhing, breath taking agony. What i’m feeling right now is closer to the latter. As it’s a Sunday morning and we have nothing planned for the day, I will make the hot water bottle my best friend; I don’t usually do this, a couple of paracetamol and an inward grimace usually do but today I feel like wallowing in it. I think my mood right at this moment regarding pregnancy (or lack of it) is quite amazing, I’ve gone from grimacing and gurning (in public!) at the thought of (and at times the sight of) children, to wanting a baby more than anything – well nearly more than anything… as I typed that sentence, the thought went through my mind – do I?

My impression of women that want children is that they want them desperately, they want children and they want them more than anything in the world – is this what I want? Now, i’m not questioning whether I want a child more or less than a pair of crazy but cute Mou Cowboy boots or the beautiful Leonita dress, but would I pick a child, over another amazing adventure around Scandinavia or Italy?

I suppose the answer to my question is, do I need to? Does it have to be an either or? Do I want to have a baby and then sit in a room with him or her, changing them, feeding them, burping them, from now until eternity? No, but then who would. I’m not saying mums can have it all, I don’t think anyone can have it all, but I do believe I have options. I am lucky my husband is very supportive, he is a wonder and I can’t apologise for saying this even if it comes across as bragging, its not meant to.

Money is tight right now, setting up a business producing and selling beautiful things doesn’t come cheap and I’m trying very hard to stop my overspending ways, in the future though we will hopefully have the means to have fun and do these things as a family. Have adventures, travel the world, write, work and bake cupcakes, and maybe, hopefully, all in a pair of cream, furry cowboy boots xxx

Can this be true? Is it possible? Did I actually enjoy doing the ironing today?

Well no but I really am enjoying walking around and looking in the bedroom and there not being clothes lying on the floor, this is a very new experience! It takes me ages to iron, I can’t imagine that most women spend this amount of time ensuring their clothing is crease free? I started at about 1pm today and wasn’t done until 3.30pm, that’s 2 .5 hours stood next to an ironing board and I did 4 hours on Monday. To be fair I haven’t done any ironing for about 2 years and that would have been a one off, my mum bless her is wonderful at housework and I guess I continued my teenage rebellion well into my 20′s. Until a couple of weeks ago my husband and I lived with piles of clothes at the foot of the bed, in the airing cupboard and bits and bobs rammed in the drawers and cupboards. My husband wears non iron shirts and his t-shirts are always creased. Well no more! If i’m going to have a baby I’m going to need to learn how to love ironing and I need to do it quicker – well until we can afford to pay someone else to do it anyway! (Haha whoever would think I’d be posting a blog about ironing!)